In previous posts, I referred to my middle son as Orange Shoe Guy (OSG) out of sheer delight for his choice of very bright, orange footwear. I will continue to call him that for the sake of anonymity.
OSG is a great kid. He is interesting and lovable, but he struggles.
He struggles with medical issues. He struggles with dyslexia. He struggles with math. He struggles with anger. So many times, he looks at me in frustration and asks, “Why can’t I do it? Why can’t I run like the other kids? Or do math?”
Sometimes, I don’t know what to say. OSG came to us from a bad situation. He was taken at birth from his biological mother and placed in the Foster Care system. There were many reasons for that removal, all of them not pretty. His biological mom struggled.
She struggled with drugs. She struggled with alcohol. She struggled with life. I see a pattern in OSG’s life that I do not want for him. So I try to be honest with him. I tell him about babies in the womb and what happens when they are not taken care of correctly. I do this with great care. It is one of those things that take a delicate touch. I tell the pertinent information and leave out the rest for now, probably not forever, just for now.
I want so much for this guy, more than I ever imagined I would when I met him eleven years ago. I want him healthy and happy. I want him to feel and be free. I want him to be able to see the things in his life that cause him to struggle as stepping stones, not insurmountable boulders. He is going to one day go out into the world. I want him to see that world as a good place. He will already know that there are bad things that happen, sometimes even to good people and babies who have no choice. Yet, I want his focus to be on that fact that there is good amongst humanity. I want him to know that without a shadow of a doubt. A life can be made with that simple grain of knowledge.
OSG talks about his biological dad often and mom occasionally. He desires to know about them. All about them. This is more common as he gets older. The more he struggles with puberty related issues, the more he wonders. I do tell him hard things. I tell him because I do not want him in his room dreaming about a perfect family somewhere who is waiting for him and will take away all of his struggles in our family. That is untrue and really not fair. There is no perfect family. But there are a lot of families like yours and mine who are trying to make it and make it good for the kids. They will suffer disappointments though, that is par for the course. He deserves to deal in the realities. I tell myself that he will be a better person for walking through what he does. I tell myself that the truth that I tell is for his growth and development. I hope that I am right.
I wrote earlier that OSG struggles. I was incorrect. It should say, OSG grows.
He grows as he deals with his medical. He grows as he watches the other kids run. He grows when he gets that math problem right. He grows in knowledge and understanding when we talk about his family. He is an amazing guy with tremendous growth potential.
~Angie
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